juni 26, 2009

Did he or didn't he?

Michael Jackson

Family and BFF goodbyes

A lot of things happened today. A lot to register and put in my heart's memory.
Laughter and facial expressions and goofy ones aswell. Love you sis!

Well tomorrow my parents are coming for lunch and sister and her son are coming too. I have a couple of things to fix tomorrow before I'll leave but hopefully everything will run smoothly, inshallah.

I better go to sleep now, tomorrow will be a really long day..
Tomorrow is the day I'll be leaving Sweden for Lebanon. At least for a while

In about 26 hours I'll be with DH in Beirut Lebanon yey:) Inshallah ya rabb

DH, have a safe trip inshallah

juni 25, 2009

So here I am home again after a noon with some tea and cake and LOTS of chitchat with the best J in the world!

I´m still having the feelings of butterflies in my belly and ants all over my body!!!
I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable. I'm traveling tomorrow!!!!
Ooooh I feel sick!!!

But in the same time, I'm looking forward to it sooo much!
I just hope the butterflies and ants feeling will disappear and just leave the joyful excitment here with me;) Hopefully before tomorrow.


juni 24, 2009

What to do, what to doooo?

Maybe I should go to sleep, Iam feeling totally out of control and sooo nervous it makes my stomach hurt. But if I go to sleep now, wednesday will be all gone when I wake up.
Oooooh a small panic attack going on over here but other than that Iam just peachy fine.

Today I got some hair decorations to use during the wedding, and I also bought an ancle whatever it's called. Its necklace, bracelet and ----- what are those you wear on your foot ancle called? Well anyway that's what I got for myself today. I like them, they are so summery and cute.

Well anywhoo I think I better go and wash off my make-up, pray and go thru the things I packed in the suitcase.

I can't handle sitting here for one more minute doing nothing but feeling the butterflies in my belly.


Ye that's what Iam trying to do with my feelings.
I just feel SO much these days.

Gratitude, thanks to Allah for making this happen, HAMDELLA!

Fear-I'm planned to be doing a lot of flying! yikes-not so fun anymore

Happiness-I'll be re'united with my DH again, it's been 5 months since last time

Excitment-I'm travelling to my favorite country-again, Lebanon! Here I come!

Sadness-I'm leaving so much behind

Joy-We are finally having our wedding

Anxiousness-I gained weight and about 100s of people will be attending our wedding. I haven't even met half of them once!

LOVE-so much love all around

And last but not least, again, more gratitude
Hamdella for everything

We are really just like small ants,
not saying that they are not important, just saying they are small..
and everything that happens is all by Allah's will.

juni 23, 2009

Too many butterflies

I'm so excited and nervous that I don't know what to do with myself.
I'm probably traveling after a couple of days.
Ooooh so excited I can't even explain it!

juni 22, 2009

Is being without internet a blessing?

Okey so now I've read all you guys latest updates. It took a while;)

So I have been without internet connection for 2 days or so. And my God, how efficient I have been now not sitting infront of the laptop:)
I dealt with some things I should've done like a week ago. But now it's all done and I feel soooo good.
Conclusion: Time online is wasted time.
Okey, not to that extreme, but really, think about it!
What are we doing online? Does it change anything?

I can only talk for myself but ALL of my time online is spent checking my email, blogging or reading others people´s blogs, checking FB, youtube, and some other sites. But what I do online doesn't really matter. I spend all day online but it's not really counted for. If I work all day or clean all day people gna notice-that's for sure. Or if I cook, or bake! But okey, being online matters to ME. I have more relations online than in real life. Sad, or maybe pathetic? Well whatever, that's the truth. And I kind of like it:)

Ok not "kind of like it" to tell you the truth I love it!!!

From another sisters blog!

I found this one and just thought it was so beautiful so I want to share it with you all.

"If you ask me, why do I stand here,
So unafraid of everything around me.
Proudly I would say, I am a Muslim.
If you ask her, why does she dress that way,
All covered up in a world that gives it all away.
Proudly she would say, I am a Muslim.

If you ask me, surely this cannot be,
You give your wealth so free, and you say your life is charity.
It ain't hard to see, I am a Muslim.
If you ask him, why does it hurt so,
When he sees injustice, even though it's folks he doesn't know,
With tears in his eyes he says, I am a Muslim.

If you ask her, why doesn't she cry,
There's no one by her side, she's the only one that's left behind.
Patiently she sighs, I am a Muslim.
If you ask him, why does he still pray,
Five times a day when so many others have strayed.
Smiling he would say, I am a Muslim.

If you ask me, why do I love you
No matter where you are, we are the greatest Ummah
With the beating of our hearts, we are Muslims."

From Jess's blog

I'm back!!

Okey so after about 48 hours the internet connection is finally working again.
So did I do something useful during that time?
Well, ye of course I did:)

I´ve cleaned and cleaned and cleaned LOL
And I am almost done packing for my trip, inshallah. I'm supposed to travel on friday inshallah.

I am going to blog more later, but I am just too curious to read the updated blogs Iam following so I have to do that first of all!

juni 20, 2009

Internet *updated*

Well after the storm yesterday my internet connection isn't working.

And it's weekend so I have no idea when it will work again.

I wish you all a nice weekend!

its sunday today and the internet connection is working again, yey:D
I'm just checking your blogs, later I'll blog myself:) Hopefully before I fall asleep

juni 19, 2009

Another blogpost....

...on someone else´s blog, reminded me of this as I'm going to write now.
My DH sent it to my mail some time ago.

"There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend:
"If I could only see the world, I will marry you"
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her: "Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?"

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind too, the sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. The thought of looking at them for the rest of her life, led her to refuse to marry him. Her boyfriend left in tears. Days later he wrote her a note saying: "Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine"...


This is how the human brain often works, when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life is a gift from Allah.

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to ALLAH for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: You're alive and thank's ALLAH


Release your problems and ease your mind

Sometimes when you´re troubled and you keep everything bottled up deep inside you, you just feel so lonely.
It´s so difficult to be alone in this world. We have to open up and share our thoughts and news with our beloved who cares about us. Because we are truly not alone.

(And not to forget, Allah is always with us. To pray and ask Allah for guidance is very helpful and encouraged)

But sometimes you need to involve your loved ones. It really does give great relief and they may be able to help you. Hamdella I feel much better now. Eventhough everything is the same, but not quite the same afterall. The problems are still there, but Iam not alone, I opened up and shared. Hamdella, I didn´t have to wait another day..

Just when you think you can´t love harder and deeper than you already do, you open up and the love is much greater than a moment ago.

juni 18, 2009


"If you have strong feelings, is it better to express them,
eagerly and passionately, to the whole world?
Is it wise?
And if you always show the world a calm face and a quiet voice,
does this mean there is no passion,
no fire in your heart?"
(Sense and sensibility-Jane Austen)

juni 17, 2009

Communication skills-the lack of it

For as long as I can remember I have been communicating thru notes, letters and diaries.
And later on emails aswell and the latest thru my blog.
I have some difficulties with expressing myself in speech. But Iam not sure which came first. The insecurity or the writing notes..

Speaking english everyday for the last 10 years or so, doesn´t exactly help my communication skills. English isn´t my language and Iam not living among so many english speaking people. Iam living in Sweden, everyone here speaks Swedish. Okey not some of the immigrants. But that´s not the point...
I´d like to be a strong confident speaker one day. Not to stumble on my words or blush if someone asks me something.
Well it has taken me YEARS to get over some of my insecurities and I still have more to work on.

I remember years ago I would get all nervous and anxious when planning on meeting new people. I would feel so anxious that my stomach would really hurt A LOT! I avoided it at first, simply by not going to any events. And just staying home. I didn´t feel safe where we were going. I didn´t know anyone, I didn´t know in which language I could speak with them. If any at all.

I would sit hours and hesitate and try to prepare myself to make a simple phonecall to a new friend or even something so easy as to the dentist to make an appointment.

Well today, I don´t let myself think to much about doing it. I just take a deep breath and dial the number and hope for the best ;) I do still get nervous of course, and stumble on my words, but hey who cares really? When I blush and I don´t find the words to say people smile and think it´s funny. I prefer that rather than hiding away from the world and be in the silence.

Nowadays after finishing a phonecall or a meeting that I was feeling a bit anxious about, I feel such joy and relief. And pride. Proud over myself for doing something that was soo hard for me, even if it might be normal to the rest of the world.

juni 16, 2009


I got more followers:D
My lovely blogging sisters has subscribed to my blog:D
It´s very nice to see:) I do believe Iam following all of your blogs already.
But if I´m not, please let me know so I can read your blog too:)


In the last couple of days, things has happened, decision has been made hamdella.
I´ll tell you more about it later inshallah.

juni 13, 2009

Climbing back

I´ve had a couple of days of heavy heart. Really struggling with seeing the good things in life.
I know they are many)
But when I´m low I just stay really low for a day or two and then get back on track.
So now I just came out of the shower and really feeling fit for fight.
Not actually fighting with my fists;)

I´ve been thinking of what I wish for myself. I want more out of life.
What Iam doing now can hardly even been spoked about as living.
Well Iam preparing and waiting to move to my beloved.


I want to have a home
To spend sweet time with my beloved
To build our life, piece by piece, side by side
I want to struggle and work hard
And fall asleep in my beloved´s arms
I want short "get-aways", breaks from everyday life, and just lose control and have fun
Conclusion: I want to live LIFE

That´s not too much to ask for is it?

Just because

Emailing the saudi embassy....

Delivery has failed to these recipients or distribution lists:

The recipient's mailbox is full and can't accept messages now. Microsoft Exchange will not try to redeliver this message for you. Please try resending this message later, or contact the recipient directly.

juni 12, 2009

Some old blogposts from my soon to be erased blog

Sunday, 17 May 2009
Dear sisters and brothers
To all my fellow muslims.

I have ever since i reverted called other muslims my sibblings. I feel as if this is more common among reverts. Maybe Iam wrong but that´s how I feel, maybe it is just because I have had more contact with reverts..

Well anyway I think it´s important for us muslims to call eachother sisters and brother. And the reason for that is to feel united. Even if there are sooo many groups in islam, which is unfortunate.

We should all be more humble towards eachother. It is of great importance especially for reverts to feel welcomed when they finally find their way back to Islam.

It is our duty and honour as muslims to welcome and encourage reverts.

All the talk about shia/sunni/wahabi and the rest of the groups-forget all about that!! Why think about our differences when we can think about what we all have in common? Think about it, what is really the most important? To be a muslim and everything that means, or is what´s most important really about who is right and who´s not?? No one will ever say they are wrong.

If you follow a perticular group in islam it´s most likely because you feel it´s right. Right for you. There is no use discussing back and forth. When it´s discussed and mixed up in politics when it comes to how to rule a country that´s one thing. But when it comes to discussing it online??? There´s no use people. It often, if not always, ends with "us" yelling at eachother and misbehaving. Now Iam not talking about discussions handled in a good way, where we learn from eachother and show interests. I support those ways of spreading knowledge.

But Iam just saying that the discussions we know from the beginning won´t lead to anything good why even go there??

We are all muslims. So think of other muslims as your beloved sibblings and treat them with respect, humbleness and love.


Friday, 29 May 2009
Right now Iam suffering from the flue. I got fever and Iam so exhausted, my body can hardly even manage to type this blogpost;)

Iam so anxious. The weeks are passing so fast. Soon I´ll be abroad. First doing the final preparations for our wedding, then go thru it, all without my family:S and later go for the honeymoon. And what´s even more scary is that after our honeymoon Iam going to a country where I´ve never been too. And stay there. Start our new life together, and live there for as long as Allah has planned. It´s normal I guess to feel anxious about it.

How will I manage celebrating the best day of my life so far without my family?
How will I manage to live everyday for many days, months maybe even years without seeing my family?
How can a person deal with being almost all alone in a whole new country?

I love my husband of course, and am looking forward to our life soooooo much. But I´m still scared.

Anyone who moved abroad alone or with f.e husband? How did you manage to create a new life for yourself? New friends? New activities? Job? Education?


Saturday, 30 May 2009
One of the worst thing I know is when I´ve hurt someone. I never do it intentionally, it´s not a part of my personality. But sometimes it happens anyway. And it is so hard for me sometimes to just say: I´m sorry. But it just hangs there in the air as a big black cloud and I can´t move on without having it said. When I finally gather up all my curage and say I´m sorry, it feels so good. But then when the other person says: "it´s okey", I don´t know what to do. Because it feels as if my apology isn´t enougth even if the person I hurted says it is.

Those of you who has been hurt by people who loves you and you haven´t yet forgiven them, do you understand that it hurts them more than yourself because they have hurt you? Forgiveness is one of the most valuable things we can give and receive.

Forgive me

I´m sorry for not updating this blog, even though I have 4 followers, yey:D
But the case is that I have been blogging somewhere else in English.
But that was also blogspot.com
So I had to sign out and in all the time.
I can´t deal with all of that
So I started a new blog on wordpress.com
But that site just seem to not work as it should be
So I´ll probably just stay here.
No need to add more stress to life right?:D

If you know Swedish, check my swedish blog:)

Why oh why oh why?!??!

Why do you buy a wedding gown in Sweden if you´re going to have your wedding on the other side of earth?

Well, to minimize the stress. Or?
Well, that was the plan.
But now I wonder how Iam supposed to "transport" my dress?
I have to carry it all the way.
While boarding the plane, during the flight and going off the plane...
But where do I put it once Iam ON the plane?
I can´t keep it in my lap, nevertheless put it in the space above where you usually stuff your hand luggage.
Maybe it´s possible to hang it somewhere?
I suppose I should prepare myself for the most wrinkly wedding gown ever.
And as if that wasn´t enough, I also have to carry a handbag and my laptop.
Is that even allowed? Usually one handbag and the hand luggage is allowed...I better keep my laptop bag as my handbag;)

Well it´s not all bad anyway:) I can hardly wait till I´m there
And I´ll walk round that curve and see all the people there waiting for their loved ones.
And the tallest one is going to be my husband.
Not that Iam going to choose my husband as per who is the tallest.
But usually my husband is the tallest one there.
Tall, dark and handsome:P