For as long as I can remember I have been communicating thru notes, letters and diaries.
And later on emails aswell and the latest thru my blog.
I have some difficulties with expressing myself in speech. But Iam not sure which came first. The insecurity or the writing notes..
Speaking english everyday for the last 10 years or so, doesn´t exactly help my communication skills. English isn´t my language and Iam not living among so many english speaking people. Iam living in Sweden, everyone here speaks Swedish. Okey not some of the immigrants. But that´s not the point...
I´d like to be a strong confident speaker one day. Not to stumble on my words or blush if someone asks me something.
Well it has taken me YEARS to get over some of my insecurities and I still have more to work on.
I remember years ago I would get all nervous and anxious when planning on meeting new people. I would feel so anxious that my stomach would really hurt A LOT! I avoided it at first, simply by not going to any events. And just staying home. I didn´t feel safe where we were going. I didn´t know anyone, I didn´t know in which language I could speak with them. If any at all.
I would sit hours and hesitate and try to prepare myself to make a simple phonecall to a new friend or even something so easy as to the dentist to make an appointment.
Well today, I don´t let myself think to much about doing it. I just take a deep breath and dial the number and hope for the best ;) I do still get nervous of course, and stumble on my words, but hey who cares really? When I blush and I don´t find the words to say people smile and think it´s funny. I prefer that rather than hiding away from the world and be in the silence.
Nowadays after finishing a phonecall or a meeting that I was feeling a bit anxious about, I feel such joy and relief. And pride. Proud over myself for doing something that was soo hard for me, even if it might be normal to the rest of the world.