Wasta

I don't exactly have a word to translate it to. But maybe influence? If you're someone who have some kind of status and can change things. For example if you want to get hired by a specific company it will help knowing someone important in the company. This person, or the relation with that person is called "wasta". If no wasta, you get nowhere. Kind of.. You'll probably get where you're trying to go, but it will take a whole lot of more time to get there. I don't really know what I think about "wasta" yet. I mean it's great, of course, IF you have any. If you don't it's terrible and so unfair. So I guess I dislike it but I'm not the one who won't use it. What a hypocrite eh? Sorry for misspelling but my dictionary is no longer with me:)

People here around tell me you have to use shortcuts or you won't get anywhere. Or more honestly, they say you must cheat and lie or you won't get anything(anything as in any money)... Well I do understand why some people feel that way, but Iam not going to cheat or lie to get my way. And I don't care much about money. I don't need to be rich or have lots of money in my pocket or bank account. I just want enough of it to put food on the table everyday, somewhere to live and somewhere to go if, inshallah not, someone of us needs medical attention.

I strongly believe that being honest and straight forward is the best way to live. It might be difficult at some times, and you might not get what you want. But have faith and trust in God and he will reward you in this life and/or in the hereafter, inshallah. BUT Iam going to surf on the wave of "wasta" for a little bit longer.

Going to the movies tonight

With dear brother in law.

Is your husband treating you right?

If yes, dont EVER take it for granted.
Let him ALWAYS know that you don't take him for granted.
Let him know how much his love and actions means to you. Never forget to treat him in the best of ways too.
And express your love for him all the time,
with words AND actions.

Btw this also goes the other way around.
Is your wife treating you right?

Zozo

You know the movie made my Josef Fares that includes both Lebanese and Swedish environment? Well I've just watched it for the hundredth time. I always think of my old friend from school(now my DH)as Zozo. Hamdella their story isn't exactly the same, but the personalities of Zozo and my dear husband is really similar.

I love the movie and I love you B!

Btw if you didn't see this movie till now go and borrow it. The name is "Zozo" and is about this lebanese boy and his family, the war in Lebanon and how it might be coming to a new country.

Meetings with animals

Last week I got stung by a bee and we also had an interesting visitor at home. Something that looked to me as a big fat hairy spider crawling on the floor, about 5 cms in diameter. I didn't go near it since they told me it's poisinous and it was killed pretty instantly.

Btw why have I never heard of putting a piece of garlic on the bee sting before? If we had known that it might had helped growing up with hundreds of bees around.

My new diet

Breakfast: bread+yellow cheese+a cup of tea
Lunch/dinner: 2 slices of Pizza Hut's peperoni pizza+2 glasses of diet Pepsi+chocolate bar

Hey, Pepsi and Pizza Hut await requests for payment of commercial in my blog.

To whoever it was who envied me for my scandinavian fine hair and put a spell on me.

Thank you so much for making me miserable.

The other day I went to the hairsalon to get the split ends cut off of my hair. Well it ended with a whole new hairstyle. One which I didn't wish for. And my demands wasn't taken into consideration. Damn you! Sorry, Iam just so upset. In 2 months I went from longhaired me to short hair me. I've gotten like 30 cms cut off my hair. You have to understand how upset Iam. Ye I know it's just hair, and you might think Iam silly getting this upset just because of a haircut. But believe me.... It's terrible. Iam so unhappy with it. I wish it would help to go to the hairsalon and fix it. But it can only get shorter and it's already too short... So I have to do the best of it and just hope it won't take long for it to grow out. Which I know it will. My hair grows superslow:(
Blllllllllllllaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Friends

I hope everyone had a nice eid.

I'll be updating soon.

What happened with Mel, Faisal, Khalid, Jude??? And horrible mother in law??? I'm dying to know!!! Well I'll take the time soon to check it:) Ange> Don't erase your blog till I've read it!!!! Hope you get it published. Inshallah.

"I´m so excited...."

"and I just can't hide it...."

Today when I woke up and greeted the parents in law, they saw my silly smile and commented it. LOL. Well what to say.....
Forgive me for being excited?
Forgive me for being happy?
Forgive me for not hiding it very well?
Or I think the most appropiate would be:

Forgive me for my lower mood the past 2 months!

Well Iam missing you and it's difficult being without you.
Nothing is motivating me.
I need you!

Like a thief in the night

I'm moving slowly and as quiet as I possibly can. Everyone are sleeping and I am going to the kitchen, to the bedroom, to the toilet, to the bedroom, to the kitchen again and then back to the bedroom.. Oooouf, and each time I open the bedroom door it makes such an annoying sound. I feel so bad! I think Iam disturbing everyone's sleep. They say they don't notice. Or at least till yesterday... Dear mother in law informed me that she woke up at 5 when I went to the bathroom and that she couldn't fall asleep again after that:S But what can I do? I have to go to the bathroom. I can't stay all night without 1 or 2 visits. Especially now during Ramadan and all the liquid intake is done in the evening:S

I've just fixed my eyebrows and scrubbed my face with a leefeh (spelling?) and it feels so smoooth:) And I smell vanilla:) Have you tried Fa's bodywash? Vanilla yoghurt and honey? You'll smell nice and your skin will feel soooo smooth:)

Oh, too much of nothing. Goodnight. Again. Or actually goodmorning

27th of Ramadan

Yesterday we went to a restaurant for iftar. I wasn't in the mood at all and didn't want to go. But dear mother in law insisted so I went anyway. I got 30 minutes to get ready. That was more than enough. Ye, well I don't need much time to get ready since Iam already beautiful. You know Iam joking right? Kinda:P

(We should all think of ourselves as beautiful and don't be like in my homecountry where it's almost "bad manners" to be proud of who you are or how you look like. Of course it shouldn't get out of hand, but we should feel good about ourselves, it's really important. Well moving on. )

So after finally finding a place to park the car, we had to walk for like 10 minutes. And poor me, I was wearing heals!!! Aotch my feet. I sooooo wanted to get in and sit down asap. When we finally did find our seats and relaxed for a while suddenly everyone starts clapping and standing up. What's going on what's going on I thought to myself. Who is coming??
Well the one and only Saad Hariri! Iam not so easily impressed of either presidents or other celebrities, but if I'd say that I didn't feel glad he was there I would be lying. Why was I happy to see him there? Well because I know lots of other people would've LOVED to be there. So I have to enjoy it for them who weren't. Right?

He spoke for about 15 minutes or maybe more:) I didn't understand everything he said, but he talked a lot about the lebanese peoples dream about Lebanon. Lebanon as it used to be, or how it should be. Calm and peaceful. And for it to be the country all people want to come to and enjoy their vacation and so on. The country that has electricity, water, schools etc working PROPERLY. He also spoke about the palestinians. How we mustn't forget about them. And let them always know that we are supporting them as our brothers and sisters. Mr. Hariri said much more things but I didn't have anyone to translate for me so what I mentioned is the things that I understood and felt the urge to write about.

Wish you all a nice day even if you don't meet any presidents:P

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My suhoor today: 1 bounty, 1 muffin and one glass of Pepsi. Superhealthy............

26th of Ramadan

Say whaaaat!?!?!?!?! 26 days of Ramadan has soon passed by. I must admit that I haven't succeeded reaching my goals. But I have still some days left. But I have almost 30% left of the message of the Holy Quran... How am I going to finish that in 3-4 days? Hmmmm.... If I don't succeed, it will be the FIRST Ramadan since 2000(that's the year I became a muslim officially) that I didn't read the whole Quran.... Sad:( I'll try to make it. It's not over till it's over, right?

Yesterday we ate lahm biajin(or however its spelled) it means basically: meat in dough. It's tasty:) I ate one, and a half a plate of sallad. And 2 dates, and a bowl of lental soup. Or I guess it was beans...Anyway. Yesterday I had pea soup. It was supertasty. It reminded me of Sweden:) Actually we were also served fish and bbq chicken pieces. But I ate dates, soup, sallad and one lahm biajin. Not a lot. But enough:) I was asked if I wanted Pepsi. I said no thanks, later. Planning on drinking a glass of it with my suhoor. Since I know that I'd be eating a snickers. Chocolate and the black poisined water is so tasty together:) But I've already ate suhoor, and I forgot to put Pepsi. Well I guess that's for the better. Since I ate also a doughnut for suhoor.. Hmmm. So 2 doughnouts for me. No more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to gain weight again:)

On saturday we are invited to a restaurant for iftar. I guess it will be the last day of fasting. Or maybe Sunday, anyway, Iam looking forward to it and I hope they serve tasty food. The restaurant is near "our" mountain house, so I'll be wearing a jacket, trousers, long sleeve blouse and socks and hopefully a "blanket" too:)

Mmmmm....Yesterday I helped my brother in law with the puzzle and ye I actually helped. Helped as in connected like 50 pieces:) Just about 2900 left... Oooouf!!!!
Now it's 4 oclock here and Iam bored, no one has updated their blog... Iam searching for new blogs but not finding any interesting, do you know of one? The morning pray isn't till 5 oclock. That's another hour.. Must....Not.....Fall.....A.....S....L...E...E...P..........................................

25th of Ramadan

I've just had a cheese sandwich. Dry dry dry dry since Iam not putting butter or jam. Only cheese and the bread. Mmmm I'd like to put some nutella... Mmmm but that will be SOOOO unhealthy and I'll be eating the rest of the nutella remaining in the jar in one day. Is there anything tastier than nutella? And it fits with everything. Especially chips. Ye I know, but don't say it isn't tasty until you try it.

Today I don't know where we are going to eat. I heard something about eating outside but I hope we are going to eat at home. Iam not in the mood to go out again and just hoping the food that will be served will be tasty. At home at least I can have some input:)

Now Iam going to continue reading your blogs, which I hope some of you updated since I checked last time, then Iam going to pray fajr and sleeeeeeep. Iam not sleepy yet, but I do wish to have sleeping hours as a normal person....

24th of Ramadan

Today we went on an event for iftar. The place where it was held was a ballroom and the decoration was amazing. If my wedding were to be held indoors I'd love for it to be there. So classy, so romantic so beautiful. But I've already had my wedding and it was perfect!! So moving on:)

The food was really great. Mezze was served, you know those small dishes of everything you can imagine. They served 3 main meals, one was with fish, another with chicken, and the last one was sheep and moghrabiyeh. Of course I ate the one with chicken. But without chicken. Don't ask me why. As soon as it ended me and my brother in law left. He invited me for ice-cream. That was sweet of him, as sweet as the icecream:) I chosed dark chocolate+strawberry icecream with chocolate chips and gummybears. Ye they mix it in the icecream:) It was tasty, but I advise you NOT to put gummybears in the ice cream because when they get cold, they are so hard to chew. I wish I chosed Kitkat crunches instead:)

When we came home, me and brother in law sat down and tried to connect some pieces of the puzzle. I succeeded with 7 pieces...Oooouf it's so difficult now in the beginning.

Life is passing by and not much is happening. Still standing and stamping in the same place. Kinda....


Just a reflection: doesn't people know that it's bad to smoke ciggarettes? Doesn't people care how it looks when they are wearing a veil holding and sucking on a ciggarette? It just looks soooo wrong!!!! As if a halfnaked woman would be walking around with a Quran in her hand..I hate ciggarette smoke, and think it is very selfish of people to force us non-smokers to be passive smokers. SELFISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why isn't it prohibited to smoke in-doors? Oh well it's Lebanon, what do I expect? It's not their fault that they got a million more important stuff to think about and to rule about then a silly law against smoking in public spaces.....

Very important information!

It's raining again!!!!!!!

Oh I want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooks!!
Marabou chocolate
Herbalspice(örtkrydda)
Vanilla sugar/powder
Zoega's coffee
Chocolate bars with pieces of liquorice in it
Liqourice tablets in a small box(I forgot the name)

OOoooOOOooOooOooOooOooOh I so wanna go to Sweden and fill a whole suitcase with the above mentioned things......... AND to see my family:)

If you have any of the following symptoms-move to Lebanon!

*Dry skin
Okey that's all :P

I've noticed since I came that I do no longer need to use bodylotion. Before I was using it on a daily basis, several times a day. Iam now using those hard pieces of soap. I haven't been able to use them for like 20 years. Iam using them everyday now and I don't even need to use handlotion afterwards. I'm amazed:)

Today we had a small barbeque action going on. Chicken filé pieces and kafta. I ate kafta, sallad(t) and some homemade fries. And dates. Mmmm I have to break my fast with dates. It's the thing I look forward to much during the day. Dates! And water. And ye soup aswell:)

Well now Iam going to watch TV for a while more and make myself a sandwich and drink some cool mango juice before I go to sleep. I think we are going to get morning visitors tomorrow. Oh well they come in the morning but stay till the evening:) But Iam not really sleepy now, no wonder, I woke up at 5 in the evening.......I slept for 12 hours! I do feel a little energized, yey:)

23th of Ramadan

Yey, so many of you have updated your blogs. Iam very very pleased:)
Iam back in Beirut. That's all. For now.

21st of Ramadan

It's almost 4 oclock over here. It's quiet outside. Actually it's quiet in the whole house. Not a sound can be heard. Or... The only 2 things are me tapping on the keyboard and the AC in my room.

Yesterday my parents in law were here. We ate wonderful tasty stuffed zucchinis/minisquash. I love them!!!! I could eat them everyday. But then again, I wouldn't be able to eat them for years afterwards. I mean you get tired of eating the same thing day after day after a while;)

I just ate a small sandwich with turkey and I filled a bottle with cold water. I have to check how much water Iam drinking a day. Before I had such control and knew exactly how much I was drinking a day. But now when Iam fasting, it's so hard to keep track of that, besides I don't have much time to drink as I use to or as much as I should.

Tomorrow, well actually it's today))) I'll be helping my brother in law with the puzzle he bought, inshallah. He is funny, he bought a puzzle of 3000 pieces. A puzzle with a motive with only one color. Kind of. It's so difficult!!!! Oh well, it'll be nice spending some time with him. Even if we aren't speaking a lot to eachother we really feel close. It's pretty funny that I have a better/closer relation with my brother in law than with my sister in law. It's interesting how I always get a better contact with persons of the opposite sex. It has been that way for as long as I can remember. Being friends with a girl always involved competing some how. In beauty or whatever. Except for with my best friend. We just clicked. Slowly but firmly:) I love you J!

Later today we'll be going up to the mountain and won't be home till Sunday evening inshallah.
We will be breaking the fast with my husband's uncle+wife, husband's cousin+husband+kids, sister in law and her family aswell. Waw, almost the whole family:P It's going to be nice. I just wish my husband was going to be with us....

20th of Ramadan

Iam so tired, my body just feels as some cloth on a hanger..Floating here and floating there.
Iam being told to sleep at night and not during the day. Ye well, they might be right. But I have tried that before and I still remain so tired...
Just 10 more days and I'll be sleeping at night inshallah.
Now my dear mother in law is fixing in the kitchen..I gonna go and ask if she needs help. Maybe she accepts...
Soon it's time to break the fast. I can't want. My brother in law brought us cake!!! Yey:P

I just don't fit in! And I don't care!!!

I dislike going to the hairdresser here. They ask me if I want some volume. "No, thanks, it's fine like this. Or I'll fix it by myself at home" (I know how they fix volume here, 1 m high and with half of my hair fallen off). But last time I let him fix it anyways since I was going to an event.

And, did he pull for his life? Yes!
Did it feel as if my sculp were going to be pulled off? YES!
Could I brush my hair the next day? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aotch!

Iam just going to NOT try to fit in. My hair is straight, soft, smooth, fine(as in thin) and it's not normal with volume in this kind of hair. Leave my scandinavian hair alone!

I want you to be here!

And if you'd bring earplugs with you that would be even greater.
I miss you

I should feel ashamed of myself!

And yes I do.
My sleeping habits have just been crazy for the last couple of years. And I have been so tired for so long I can't even remember when it started. But it's at least 10 years ago. I think more likely 15 than 10 actually...
Nowadays Iam going to bed around 5 in the morning and stay asleep till 2 oclock in the afternoon. That's just so wrong! But it feels so good to eat suhoor and pray fajr before I go to sleep.....
The bad thing is that the whole world (including my in-laws)and outside my window wakes up at 7-8 in the morning. And usually the sounds wakes me up. So that gives me 2 hours of continuous sleep. ONLY! That's not good. Maybe a reason for me being so tired? Well.... I don't like it. I want to go to bed at 22-22.30 and sleep till 7 or so in the morning and just feel so good and energized during the rest of the day. Will that ever happen?

The strength of a man

The strength of a man isn't seen in the width of his shoulders.
It is seen in the width of his arms that encircle you.

The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice.
It is in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has.
It is how good a buddy he is with his kids.

The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work.
It is in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits.
It is in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man isn't how many women he's Loved by.
It is in can he be true to one woman.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift.

It is in the burdens he can understand and overcome.

(poem by Jacqueline M Griffith)
found here

19th of Ramadan

Again Iam sitting here...With the poisoined water..Ye that's coke. Or actually Iam drinking Pepsi. Or actually I've just emptied the glass. It wasn't even tasty, but yet I had to drink it all up. I also had a Kitkat. Well you have to have Coke or Pepsi when you eat Kitkat. And also when you eat snickers or chips or peanuts.
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I was thinking about maids earlier today. I don't feel comfortable with a maid. I don't know why exactly, maybe because Iam not grown up with one? Or just because it feels strange having a person outside of the family living with us? Well if one day I need a maid and can afford one, I'd still want my children to do some things by themselves. I don't want my children to grow up and get everything served and done for them. They should be able to put their laundry clothes in the laundry bin, leave the bathroom as it was before they took a shower etc. Small things, easy things that doesn't even take any time. I don't want my children to grow up and not being able to do anything except eating, drinking and sleeping. What if they grow up all their life being spoiled doing nothing at home, when they'll move out they are going to expect their partner to do everything for them. Unless they get a maid too. I don't want spoiled bratty children...
I am not saying that people who have a maid are spoiled or to stupid to put their laundry in the laundry bin..But some people who grow up getting pampered this way get the wrong idea about life. (It's not only about maids, some children get so pampered by their parents too)And when they get married they just going to expect their partner to spoil them the same way. Turn their partners into their maid...

For God's sake, my mom put up a sign on the door in our home that said: "Your mom doesn't work here, clean up your mess!"
We laughed and made jokes about it, but we knew it was true. We had to take responsibility for the household aswell. And we turned out okey.

It's raining!!!

Yey, it's raining here for like the first time in 2 months. I don't even know when it rained before I arrived. It's wonderful. I hope it's going to smell rain everywhere tomorrow. You know that fresh smell that only comes after it has been raining? I doubt it's going to be the same here as in Sweden. But rain is so refreshing. I hope it rains all night.

20 minutes later and it is still raining. It doesn't smell refreshing just yet. It smells dust and dirt. Pretty much as when you're picking potatoes from the field...

I hope I'll never:

tatto my eyebrows
do any kind of surgery for vanity reasons
care about having the latest model of car, cellphone, laptop, clothes etc
measure people's worth according to race, color or beliefs

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you may wonder why Iam writing this... Well it's because these are some things that Iam seeing now during my "new" life. Things that I sooo don't agree with. I am not naive enough to believe that the environment doesn't effect us. So Iam just hoping that in these issues and some others I'll stay the same..

******Always remember*****

Always remember that every person you meet thru your life, they also meet you. And whatever impact you've made on them, they may remember it all their life. If it was a bad impact they may suffer from it everyday for the rest of their lives. If it was a good impact they will remember it too.

Remember that what happens to us thru our lives shapes us. Bad or good. What happened in our lives made us who we are. But only we ourselves are the ones who can decide HOW we should let ourselves be shaped. Should we make our experience our weakness or our strenght? This decision will also be based on how we were raised, and more importantly on who we are deep down inside.

I don't believe that all of us IF we had the exact same upbringing, experiences and people around us that we would end up having the same personality and character. Eventhough this is an experiment impossible to go through, Iam pretty sure Iam accurate.

God made us, he gave us strenght and weakness. It's up to us how we are going to use them.

Be nice to the people you meet. Everyday. Even just smiling at someone in the street may be a huge thing for that person.

Think of who you are and what you are doing and who you want to be.

Display yourself in the way that show's ur real true self. I believe that everyone are good deep inside. I might be naive, but I don't care.

I believe that every person have a good heart, at least to begin with....

So PLEASE, think of who you are and how you treat people.

If you think your children and grandchildren one day deserve to have nice good people around them, think of how you are treating the people living today. Because they are the ones raising your future childrens schoolmates, friends etc.

Also remember: It's never too late to make a change!

Think before you act that's all I got to say!

18th of Ramadan

Lovely days are ahead. Iam feeling them getting closer!

So here Iam, as usual, especially during Ramadan-eating. Very healthy. NOT! Bounty and muffin... Hm. I guess I am putting on the weight I've lost since I came. Hope not. Better check wii some day soon:P

Nah, I don't have anyting to say today.. Iam just waiting for someone to update their blogs, but nothing is happening:(

Today we are going to eat at home in Beirut:) And I guess there going to be a small invasion of kids coming here after about 4 hours. Wihoooo, not. I need my beauty sleep:P

Cake anyone?

After bad service at the hotel where we had 'iftar' we dropped half of our group off at home and we went to a new opened café. This is what I ate:)

I promise you...It was not worth it. It looks tastier than it was.

Life is made of waiting

What are we waiting for? The whole life we are just waiting for the next thing.
Just don't forget to live while you wait because suddenly it all going to be over and we are going to be judged and send to where we belong. Allah knows best.

Yes, Iam waiting too...Iam waiting this minute for my brother in law to get ready so we all can go out for iftar. I wish my husband was coming with us. I miss him so much. Unfortunately he is in another country. Well, I know why he is there, and that makes me a little stronger. Mashallah aleih. W alhamdulilah.

Yes, it's still me!

Iam just changing a little bit on my blog. Hope you don't mind:)

17th of Ramadan

Can you believe it? Days has been flying away. So fast! Subhanallah. I hope the following week will fly pass us aswell. Just inshallah we solve some things along the way.
Now it's time for me to go to sleep. With a smile on my lips. Yes that's right. A smile!

Goodnigh/goodmorning everyone!

So ye...I'm back!

It's in the middle of the night and I have no idea of why Im still awake. Since Iam not fasting I don't need to stay awake for the morning pray or to eat something before that. But here Iam. Wide awake. Iam even planning on leaving the bedroom and go watch TV for a moment. All the good movies starts at night. Don't know why, but it's true.
Well I guess a good reason for me not being sleepy just yet is
1. I slept 9 hours last night/morning
2. I took a one hour nap around 5

Well those are the days of my life. Oh I miss the serie "Days of our lives". What happened to what's her name and what's his name? And to their friend's? Did they break up or did they patch up their relationship? And what about Grey's Anatomy? Last episode I watched was when Meredith and Dr Dreamy was getting married... Hm well.. Maybe one day I'll get the seasons on DVD:) I'd also like to watch all the episodes and seasons of "Friends". Ye I haven't actually watched them all. My brother does actually own all of the seasons. But he is far far far away from me... I miss my family.

Bone marrow

What a strange name chosen for a hair conditioner don't u think?

"Bone marrow is the flexible tissue found in the hollow interior of bones. In adults, marrow in large bones produces new blood cells" Wikipedia

Wii owii

I played wii today. Mostly just to check my weight. It's been a week ago since I played. I remembered to check the settings of my profile today. I noticed that my lenght has been saved as 2 cms shorter than Iam. That gives me a higher BMI. So I fixed it now and my BMI is around 22.3 instead of 22.8:D But my weight is pretty much the same. Between 60 and 61. Since the body test gives me different results from each test I decided to use the 3 that were closest to eachother and those gave me a BMI of 22.30-22.33. I also got it to be at 22.15. But I guess that's not accurate:) Unfortunately;) Maybe next week.

Iam not feeling too well today so I only played for 20 minutes, took a shower and took panodil. Oh by the way, it's not called panodil here, it's Panadol. Maybe it's just called panodil in sweden?

Memories

We did some shopping when we were in Turkey last month. Actually my husband did the shopping and I was mostly trying the clothes that he suggested and that I also agreed on. Some of them we bought, some of them got rejected(by me). It's so nice to put on those specific clothes. Because it reminds me of the time we had in Turkey and the fun we had going shopping.
Awww I miss him so much......

Unwanted guests.... Updated!

I was relaxing on the sofa all by myself, minding my own business and watching tv. I was very pleased for the lack of mosquitos tonight. Suddenly I see something moving near the door of the bookcase. What was that?!?! When I looked again to see if it really was something there or it was just my mind playing me I saw nothing. I continued watching TV. After a few seconds I see, in the corner of my eye, again something moving. OH MY GOD!! What was that? Is there a ghost living in the bookcase coming to haunt me? (ye i know, too many scary movies;)) I keep looking even if I see nothing but the bookcase. But wait a minute......What?! What is that? A black line is moving..What the *** is that?! I see another black line just beside it...WHaaaat!? Those two black lines were like 4 cm each! Creeped out by the fact that this is probably a cockroach I run to the kitchen to get the bug spray. When I come back the bug is nowhere to find. I move the sofa, check underneath it, I look inside the bookcase, no trace of the bug. And Iam too creeped out to actually move the things around which are in the bookcase, to check maybe the bug is hiding behind it. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew this was the worse experience so far. Still we have a HUGE cockroach in the home!! Iam scared! It was so big, it could probably eat me if it wanted to. Ye, if I gave it a knife and fork it might be able to eat me all. It was huge, Iam not even exagerating. I tried to take a picture of the two black lines, but the stupid camera didn't work. Two lines-tentacles!





So today I've met HUGE creepy cockroach and it's friends the earwigs(???) that were on the bathroom floor. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew I don't like bugs:( Iam sure I am going to have nightmares about bugs...The movies I've been watching doesn't even feel scary to me anymore....

Much bigger than this one and much uglier too!!!!!!!!!!!

*Must remember:

to tell the maid in the morning to go for a bug chase, starting inside the bookcase. Probably with me standing on the sofa*

updated: the chase on the bug continues. We didn't find it today so it probably continued it's visit somewhere else in the home. The maid also informed me that the other night she felt a cockroach on her head LOL. Poor maid. But she said it and was smiling and laughing so I guess she doesn't care.

14th of Ramadan

Oh no I am watching another scary movie about a girl haunting her ex-boyfriend. Eeeeeeeeeeew it's so scary!!! But I can't stop watching......................................................................But I think it's near the end now..
Watch the trailer:D


The name of the movie is "Shutter" it's with Joshua Jackson.


Later today we are leaving hot trendy Beirut for cool relaxed 'mountain-city'.
I'll be back on Sunday inshallah.
Wish you all a very nice weekend!

13th of Ramadan *updated*

Iam still waiting for the morning pray. I don't know if I can stay awake much longer. But I fear that if I fall asleep now there's no way I'll be able to wake up before 8. And I should pray the morning pray before 6 oclock, for it to be on time. And for it to be on time is indeed my goal. So I better not go to sleep....

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You know what?? I have one mosquito bite on my hand, 2 on my arm and one on my back. At least those are the ones I've discovered so far. I tried to kill that big ugly mosquito several times, but it was a very lucky one. And hungry obviously..Grrrr I hope they wont itch too much or I might lose my mind.. We'll see tomorrow. Usually it takes about a day to feel their real level of itchiness....Akh those mosquitos-can't you just leave me alooooooooooone????!?!??!?!??!

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We've broke the fast, prayed and now everyone has left. Gone, puff, Iam all alone. But it's okey, Iam enjoying the TV all by myself. Today we ate the tastiest food ever. Spiced rice, chicken and pinenuts. It should be eaten with yoghurt, but I prefer without. The only thing I missed was almonds sprinkled on top:) Well we can't have everything we want can we?
We got some great news today, HAMDELLA. Just hope there is still time left to make it happen. Kheir inshallah.

Too afraid to go to sleep

I've just watch this movie "Whisper" it was a great movie, but too scary for me who going to sleep alone LOL.



Iam going to read from the Quran now and try to stay awake for another 2h45 mints so I can pray the morning pray before I sleep.
Hope I forget all about the movie till then.

I just remembered

Sometimes I realize that just couple of months ago this home was still pretty unfamiliar to me.
Nowadays most things feels so natural for me to do here. Like closing/opening the windows, the ac, be the last one to leave the salon and therefor be the one closing the TV, the lamps etc. Even waking up for suhoor and fixing myself some food feels just like an everyday thing. Yes I do realize that all the things I mentioned are normal and very natural. But Iam me and I know how Iam and Iam just surprised, in a good way, how things feels natural for me now. Hamdella.

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Now Iam going to continue watching a movie and later go to bed. If I fall asleep before its time for suhoor, I do hope I wake up for it.

I want to share this with you:D

I found it here, it's completly copy pasted okey!

""funny story about following sunnah.

There was this beautiful woman, who wanted to get married, but she wanted a very pious husband, so she said that she’ll marry the man who recites the whole Quran every single day, fasts for the whole year and stays awake and worships Allah all throughout the night.

She was a very beautiful woman, and a lot of suitors wanted to marry her, but they knew they couldn’t fulfil the conditions she set. Until this one man stepped forward and said he could fulfil them. So the Imam got both of them married.

After the first night of the marriage, the wife sees that the husband doesn’t recite the whole of the Quran, nor does he fast, nor does he stay awake in the worship of Allah, she decided to let it roll on for a few weeks to see if there were any changes, there weren’t, so she filed a complaint and asked for a divorce.

They are both taken in front of the judge, and the judge asked, ‘What were the conditions of the marriage?’ the man replied ‘They were for me to recite the whole Quran daily, keep fast for the whole year and to worship Allah all throughout the night.’

The Judge asked, ‘ did you fulfil them? The man calmly answered, ‘…yes.’

The judge answers, ‘you lie, your wife has said that you don’t, that’s why she’s asking for a divorce’.

But the man insisted that he had fulfilled the conditions, so the judge asked, ‘did you recite the full Quran everyday?’ The man answered yes. The Judge, baffled asked, ‘how? How can you do that?’ The man coolly answered, ‘I recite Surah Ikhlas three times a day and according to Prophet Muhammad (saw), reciting Surah Ikhlas three times is equivalent to reciting the whole Quran.’ The Judge was intrigued, so he asked, ‘how did you fast the whole year?’ The man answered, ‘ I fasted for the whole month of Ramadan, then kept another six fasts in the month of Shawwal, according to Prophet Muhammad (saw), keeping all of the fast of Ramadan then keeping six fasts in the month of Shawwal, is as if you have fasted for the whole year.’

The Judge remained silent, he couldn’t give a reply saying the man was wrong, so finally he asked, ‘ how did you stay awake all night and worship Allah, when your wife saw you sleeping?’ The Judge thought the man wouldn’t be able to answer this one, but the man, cool as a cucumber answered, ‘I prayed Salatul Isha with jamaat, then the next day prayed Salatul Fajr with jamaat, according to Prophet Muhammad (saw), the one who prays Salatul Isha and Salatul Fajr with jamaat, it is as if he had stayed up all night worshipping Allah.’

The Judge sat there looking at the man; the final verdict was about to be released…

He said to the man and his wife, ‘…go, just go, there is nothing wrong with this marriage’… ""

Ache*2

I slept 3 hours yey. In the morning I was woken by some kids waaaay to energized) Afterall it was just 8 oclock in the morning and I had been sleeping for 3 hours.... Well I stayed in bed till 11.30 but didn't get much sleep anyways.

So here Iam, with headache and stomachache. Just great!

12th of Ramadan

Today, or actually yesterday was an unusual day. I woke up at 9 and went back to sleep at 2 in the afternoon, slept for 2 hours then started to get ready for the charity dinner we were going too. The dentist appointment effected me, I got so tired. Well maybe the lack of sleep last night contributed to my sleepiness aswell;)
So we went to the charity event around 6.15. Abour one hour after we arrived, I heard the calling for pray, for the first time, LIVE. With the man calling for pray just in front of me. Subhanallah, it was magical. There were also a group of children performing songs about the prophet (saw) etc. That was just soooo wonderful. If there is anything more beautiful than a child's voice singing, oh please do tell. Mashallah.

I almost didn't eat anything since I was still feeling the painkiller injection. And I was also told to avoid coloured food. So I chosed to eat only white food. Which there were none of;) Well I ate a little bit more than that just because I had to.. And a couple of hours after I arrived home, I made myself some sandwiches and soon Iam going to eat a banana and drink water. And after that it's time for Quran-reading and then pray the morning pray and THEN going to sleep.

It was a pretty enjoyable day. Eventhough I couldn't eat properly, Iam pleased with how the day went and mostly about how my teeth looks LOL. All of you who got white teeths or at least teeths without miscoloured lines on them: be thankful;) Well, we should always be thankful for whatever we have and for what we don't have.

Love to you all! And peace!

It's going to be wonderful!!!

Yes it's going to be wonderful to be able to smile without feeling more or less ashamed. Last year I got my front tooth fixed in Sweden. A month afterwards the material they had used to fix the hole, got miscoloured. So ever since then I've been walking around looking as if I had food still on my teeth. Kinda. So today I went to finally get it exchanged to a better material that wont fall off or get miscoloured. And I fixed 2 other small holes.

The dentist were great hamdella. And did a good job. I didn't feel a thing(okey I felt some...) and it looks nice too:) Just hope it lasts, inshallah ya rabb.

I think I now know how it feels after getting botox injections in ur lips;)

11th of Ramadan

Iam sitting here and eating. I already ate one banana, Iam headed for the second one.
My head is aching terribly. But hopefully it will be just fine till tomorrow.
Tomorrow I am going to the dentist at 10 o'clock. Iam not so sure that I'll be able/allowed to fast. I don't think so, but it depends a little bit on what the dentist going to do. But anyway I have the intention to fast tomorrow and we'll see what happens. Wish me luck with my dentist appointment. Iam a little bit nervous, it's my first visit to a male dentist and if that wasn't enough he is also an arab. Iam sorry all you arabs but it's my first time having something "done" to me outside of my country. Iam a bit nervous about that. WHy do we Swedish believe that our medicine in our own country is better than abroad? Or do all people think the same way? Even though I've had my bad experience with Swedish medicine, it just feels much safer there...Well anywhooo it's not like Iam the first person he has ever worked on before:) Going to be weird...It's a he...I prefer females, but no females at this clinic. Or at least no female dentists, only assistents....


To something else, the message of Quran is just amazing subhanallah. I've read it all several times, but each time I discover something new. I guess it's due to where in life we are and in which situations we are handling.

When do you start fasting?

There is something called 'imsak'. It's a timeperiod before the morning pray people have set to be on the 'safe side'.
Well I've found something about it saying that we shouldn't follow imsak. But the time to start fasting is actually when the morning pray comes.
For me personally it doesn't matter this Ramadan since I usually eat more than 1 hour before the morning pray. The other years I've never considered googling about imsak so I didn't have a clue that some people said it was wrong to follow imsak... Well here is what I found....

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Starting a Day of Fasting
(click to open the website)

Q. When should we start our fasting day? Some people say that it starts 10 minutes before Fajr prayer is due; some say only 5 minutes before that; others maintain that it is at the point when Fajr is due and the call to prayer is made. Please advise.

I. Merchant

A. God has defined the start of the fasting day, saying in the Qur’an: “Eat and drink until you can see the white streak of dawn against the blackness of the night. Then resume the fast till nightfall.” (2: 187) So, the start is at dawn, when Fajr prayer is due, and the finish is at sunset when Maghrib prayer is due. There can be no further argument. Yet people have introduced something called Imsak, which means abstention from eating and drinking, and they established various beginnings for it: they put it at 20, 15, 10 or 5 minutes before dawn. They do so out of a desire ‘to be on the safe side’. Yet all this eagerness to make sure is unnecessary. God defined the time and we should keep to it.

Suppose a person wakes up five minutes before the Fajr prayer is due. He can manage to have a drink of milk or water and a bite before Fajr is due. If he does so, is his fasting valid? If those people who speak about observing Imsak time say that his fast is valid, then why start earlier? If they say it is not valid, they commit a huge error.

The point is that Islam does not like this idea of ‘keeping on the safe side’ in matters of worship. It opens the door for rigidity and adding hardship to acts of worship. What is very important about Islamic worship is what God says in the Qur’an, within the context of fasting: “God desires that you have ease. He does not desire that you be afflicted with hardship.” (2: 185) Thus scholars say that if you happen to be drinking a glass of water and you hear the call to Fajr prayer, do not stop your drink. You better finish it. This is because God desire what is easy for us.
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If you want to follow imsak or not you better do research about it..I dont suggest you to follow or avoid imsak..It's up to you. Iam just giving you some info:D

Once again...

Iam feeling the 'winds of change' ahead of us. I just have this feeling tingling in my body that something is about to change. I can really feel it. Subhanallah.

How to tell when someone is tired...

If you're not yawning every second or having other problems like finding it hard to keep your eyes open, the following is a pretty clear sign of your tiredness: trying to wash your face with your glasses still on. Ehm...

Now I've just finished eating suhoor and reading the message of the holy Quran and Iam really struggling with staying awake. The morning pray isn't till after a whole hour. Why do they wake us up more than 2 whole hours BEFORE the morning pray??? Why do people need 2 hours to eat? Do they cook a whole meal of meat cassaroul and rice? Do they??? Well, I don't understand...More than 2 hours??? I wish that they woke us up about one hour before pray. That's enough isn't it? All you going to do is eat anyways....

*yawn* Iam superduper sleepy. I don't know what Iam going to type next.... Oh, that's right! Now I remember.. Do you know what Iam missing? You won't believe it! Or if you know be IRL, you might. What I miss is cleaning up. Get it? I miss CLEANING UP! How sick is that? I know Iam going to regret ever 'saying' that 'how can someone miss cleaning up'??? Well Iam going to explain it for you. Cleaning up isn't just about cleaning. Cleaning up is taking CARE of your HOME. And that is really what I miss the most. A home. MY home. To clean-LOL. No but seriously, I really miss having my own place. My OWN home. My own stuff, my closet, my bed, my sofa, my everything. The place where I feel comfortable and 'safe'. I hope I get the time to land and make myself comfortable in my new home before the 'whole world' comes knocking on our door:P

Thoughts about Tuesday the 1st of September

It's hard to believe August is almost finished......
Well anyway, on the 1st of september, that's on Tuesday, Iam going to the dentist and in the evening we are going to a charity dinner. Or so are the plans till now anyway. I have no clue what to wear. And I want to go to the hairsalon before and let them fix my hair. I know everyone else going to do it, so why not me aswell? Actually Iam so fed up with my hair. So bored with it. Why do we have hair??? Oh well, I was going thru some photos today and I kinda miss my "old hair". Well it's the same hair just another style. I miss it..

And Iam a little bit nervous about going to the dentist. I have some holes to fix and some beauty "construction work":P Kinda... Well enough said about dental work.

My right eye is tired. Ye, only the right one, I can notice when I put my hand over it that I don't feel any pain. But when I use it I feel pain and pressure. Strange...Hope it passes.

Now-going to try to sleep.....................

7th of Ramadan

So here Iam awake, waiting for fajr(morning pray). It's after approxiametly 40 minutes..
I woke up 1½ hour ago, after 1 hour of sleep...Zzzz feeling very tired. But I forced myself to wake up and go to the bathroom and perform wudhu(ablution) to be able to pray. To be honest I wasn't planning on eating suhoor today. But I remembered, after bathroom action that we have some cake..So that's going to be my suhoor. Cake and water. Hmmm I hope I don't gain a lot of weight during Ramadan.....Well the risk of that happening is so high. Not because I tend to overeat during Ramadan but because I don't do any excercise and we eat pretty late, at 7 at night and also in the morning and go back to sleep afterwards, of course after performing morning pray. Not all of us do this of course, Iam just talking about myself:)

Well this is all for now, my brain feels mushy. Not really mushy but as if someone poured syrup in it. Very sloooow and tired:) Going to finish my cake and hope that I don't fall asleep before the adhan for fajr comes.

6th of Ramadan *It smells funny*

I'm sitting on the bed reading blogs, blogging and soon I'll be opening the translation of the Holy Quran. I just had a shower, finally:)

I hear the adhan for the afternoon(asr) pray and there's a smell coming from the kitchen teasing my nose. It smells veggies. I think it's the same kind of soup as we ate before yesterday when we broke the fast. It's a lot of boiled veggies that gets smashed in the mixer and turned to a smooth green/brown coloured soup. Doesn't smell very nice, doesn't look very tasty, and no it isn't very tasty either. BUT it's filled with vitamines and minerals(I guess, veggies do contain minerals don't they???) so I am going to eat it with pleasure to fill my belly with this healthy soup that do good for my body:) We shouldn't always eat what our eyes want or what our tongue wants. Sometimes, more often than we do, we should eat what's healthy for us. But that's easier said than done:)

Well, todays fasting is going pretty good so far, hamdella. Just 3 hours left. Iam going now to pray the afternoon pray, then come back to read Quran. I missed some pages during the last couple of days, so I have some catching up to do...Kheir inshallah. According to my calculations I should read 32 pages each day to be able to read it all during the holy month of Ramadan. Inshallah

6th of Ramadan

So here Iam, awake of course. Iam going to prepare suhoor soon. Its 2.10 at night and I hear the man beating on his drum down in the neighbourhood waking us up for suhoor. May Allah reward him for his doing.

So the reason I haven't been blogging for the last week is that we have been out of internet. It just wasn't working. But today finally the "phone/internet-guy" came and fixed it. He fixed one of 3 phones and then wanted to leave.. No way José, that probably wasn't his name since he is an arab, but anyway, I kept him here till I made sure everything was working. Iam so happy right now hehe. I missed the world out here in cyberspace:)

So ramadan began on saturday, hamdella the days have been going good. Well of course Iam struggling with the fasting and the lack of fluids during the day. What Iam struggling the most with is not being allowed to drink. I feel lightheaded when I don't get enough to drink during day. But that's nothing to complain about, Iam just saying;) Lots of people have it MUCH worse than me, and don't even get to drink/eat after a whole day of fasting. So hamdella.

Not much is going on over here really, Iam too tired to get involved in anything. I prefer just to stay home, pray the prayers on time, read from the Holy Quran and take it easy. At night we gather and break the fast together. My routine is: 3 dates, some water, then some soup. Later the main meal.

The guy is outside our building now. LOL he is funny. One night he comes and says: Oh the father of (some arab name) wake up, oh the father of(some other arab name) wake up.
Next night he says: Come on sleepers, wake up!
He says more than that but I can't really hear what he is saying since he is banging his drum in the same time. But I heard from others that they use to say: Wake up for suhoor the prophet(sallallahu aleyhi wassalam) is coming to visit.
Well I haven't heard that one yet:)
It is pretty nice to hear this guy at night. I know some people would find it disturbing. But anyway we should wake up and eat something and pray the morning pray(on time). Inshallah we'll get rewarded for it.

My goal for this Ramadan is:
read a part of the Holy Quran each day so by the time Ramadan finish I've completed it all
pray all prayers ON time including sunnah prayers, taraweeh and witr
be more aware of what Iam saying during prayers(often it happens that we just recite the prayer without thinking of the meaning)

Inshallah ya rabb!

Well overall my goal is really just to be a better muslim/person. And inshallah it will last after Ramadan finishes aswell. All of us should strive to become better persons all the time. There is already too many persons in this world with bad actions and intentions.


So Happy Ramadan to you all, and may Allah accept all fastings and prayers made during this blessed month, inshallah.

It's almost time.....

Ramadan begins in a couple of days inshallah.
I'm pretty confused. Seems Iam confused a lot these days. Oh well, what's a girl to do?
What Iam thinking about is, if I should stay here or go and stay with my parents-in-law?
With them, no internet, but suhoor together.. Maybe here too, but yet I don't know..Maybe I'll eat suhoor alone. I don't mind, but I just don't want to wake up the whole house doing it. Or maybe that's a positive side since I guess all the people in this house are planning on fasting. Well I just don't know. Tomorrow is the day to decide, join my parents-in-law or stay here another night.

I hope I'll be able to fast at all. It feels as if it's been hundred years ago since last time.

I also hope to eat(find) some tasty dates. The tastiest are those that are packed in a paper kartong box usually imported from Iran. The dates I mean, probably the box too:)

The below are the only ones I eat.

Confused but well

So today I've been playing wii. It's been since last wednesday. That's a week ago. Dear Wii-I've missed you. I played for half an hour, but that was pure excercise, no fun games:)
But anyways what I want to say, the thing that is confusing me is the bmi and the weight according to the wii machine. It says that my BMI is 22.88 and my weight is 134 lbs. I checked how many kgs 134 lbs are. And the websites tell me: 60.8 kg. But if I type in 61 kg for the bmi that doesn't add up to 22.88 more like 22, or less... So which to believe?? Iam going to check the settings for my lenght next time. Maybe it's wrong... Well overall I'm pleased with myself wheather I'm 60 kg or 134 lbs or my BMI is 22.88:) I have been feeling 'strange' for 2 days. Strange meaning weak and tired. But today I feel much better hamdella.

I had the privilige to sleep for 5 hours in a row tonight, yey:) That's been a long time ago since that happened. If had we gotten our little visitors in the morning I would've only gotten about 2-3 hours sleep... So Iam more than pleased:) I woke up around 9 but stayed in bed til 11.30. I was just lying on the bed thinking about life and worldly and afterworldly things and what to have for breakfast.

A cup of tea and mankhoushe(bread with thyme mixture on it) It was pretty tasty. I ate the whole one. Usually I eat a half and my husband eats one on his own and my other half. Luckily he wasn't here today cause he would be hungry since I ate a whole one.

After the wii exercise and shower I ate a banana and drank a glass of juice. Honestly, is there anything tastier than mango juice?? A creamy cold mango juice.. Mmm it's color is refreshing and the taste!!!! Ooooh well I guess you get the point. I love mango juice:D

A lot of talk about NOTHING!

What should I say?

I have nothing to say

All I got to say is

NOTHING

Today I wasn't myself

I have been feeling 'strange' all day. As if my body is yet to decide if it should get sick or fight the virus away.
I've been struggling all day with keeping myself from fainting. Meaning I've been sitting most of the day and if moving, I did that in slow-motion. I wasn't able to do any quick movement. It made the darkness come back into sight...

And now it's bedtime and I welcome(not at all) the ache in my stomach.....

Sometimes

I just wish I could feel more motivated to wake up in the morning

Sometimes I just wish to be able to sleep a whole night without waking up each 5 minutes

Sometimes I just wish I could wake up and have my breakfast alone until my real happy self wakes up

So...

I'm back again here on the sofa in the house that is called home.
It's a home, but it's not my home.
My home is where he is. And he is not here. Right now.



A tough weekend. Not in the mood of blogging. Planning on just being here. Behind the curtains. Reading your blogs...

Ye....

Iam starting to believe that the more expensive something is the better it is. The pistachio(spelling pls) was the tastiest I've ever eaten.

You probably get a headache if it's too hot and you don't drink enough water.

Kebbeh reheated in the micro isn't a good idea.

Paperwork and some arabs goes everything BUT smoothly.

Nuts are tasty.

Strong tea is not.

I don't want more white bread. I want whole-grain. Please

Showering without water is more than a challenge.

To tell someone: "Congratulations! Which month are you in?" to someone who isn't actually pregnant is a never good idea.

Ya Allah, I've been tagged!!!

I was tagged by Jaz for this game. I'll tell 10 honest things about myself then tag 10 other people :)

1. I hate my past but I'm thankful for it, because it made me who Iam today
2. I haven't had my own natural haircolor since years ago
3. I care too much of what people say about me
4. I rather read a bad boring book then spend time with bad people;)
5. I used to wear nothing but black for about 5 years
6. I've had my hair in red, black, brown and yellow...
7. I once lost 36 kgs in 10 weeks
8. I always skipped the gym classes back in school
9. I met the boy that became my husband when I was about 11 years
10. We didn't meet for 13 years til 3 years ago

I tag anyone who is reading and who haven't already done the "honest game"

Question for my readers

Did you make a choice? What did you choose? And why?

Are you all wondering what Iam talking about?

Well of course Iam talking about Islam.
If you don't share the idea of being "just a muslim" but have actually made a choice wheather or not to be a sunni- muslim or a shia-muslim. And more importantly if you choosed to be a sunni-muslim and choosed one of the madhhabs(schools) which one did you choose, and what made you decide this specific madhhab? And if you are a shia-muslim, how did you choose the direction? And which leader are you seeking for help and guidance and why?

Please, Iam sincerely interested to know your reasons.

I'm back!!

Well after a weekend with lots of drama(sorry) I'm back in Beirut. I'm so happy to be back. And yes the AC is working:)
Tomorrow I'm inshallah going to a library with islamic literature. My husband's aunt is taking me.

Just so you know, when Ramadan comes, I'm planning on changing the direction of my blog. Not so much about me. I will try inshallah to type more about what I read about in the islamic books that I'll inshallah borrow tomorrow

Why oh why oh why!?!?!?!?!

Did you guys wish me to dehydrate and leave nothing but a dried out skin on the bed or what's happening???

I just went inside the bedroom, put the laptop on the bed and arranged my things... Lifted up the AC-remote and directed it to the AC and pushed on button. Nothing happened..No beep, no reaction whatsoever from the AC. I turned the remote OFF... Pushed ON again... No beep, and the silent AC machine just stares me in the face, a really evil and sarcastic stare. Yes, if did the AC have any eyes that's how it would stare at me.

So you guys, Iam sleeping in a closed bedroom without any AC in the middle of Beirut.

I am going to feel so hooooot tonight!!!!

Well for all I know swetting is good for the body. It's like a detox... Very healthy....
Who am I kidding? Yiiiiiiiiiiii I don't like to sleep in a hot room!!!!!

B, where are you??? Come and fix the AC! Puh leeeeezzzzzz!?

Thoughts in the dark lonely night

I was thinking.... How Iam sometimes(often) bored and just surf the net hour after hour reading blogs. Believe me it's not all that bad I honestly find it amazing and amusing to be able to read people's inner thoughts or just get a glimpse of their humour. BUT the blogs Iam reading aren't very educational, and I could learn so much more if I just used my time a little wiser.

So here's what I've come up with:
*Iam in an arab country
*I've seen so many books all written in English about all kinds of subjects in life
*The people are pretty english friendly -Meaning most of the people knows English.

So, where am I going with this? Well I have to get my hands on some books about Islam, of course in English. I don't think that is very difficult? I think all I have to do is ask. Someone.
I am really excited about this now. And what a perfect time to start to read and learn more about our wonderful religion, Ramadan is almost here.

Let's "pop" the big question *updated*

Should I go or should I stay?

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okey, I'm staying. at least for another day

A swede's wednesday in Beirut

Okey so what's happening today?
Well for the moment we are 'enjoying' a 3 hours long period of no electricity.. And I'm pampering myself with french manicure. And I just finished plucking my eyebrows aotch.
And before that I had a thrill playing wii for an hour:) Until electricity got cut off. Then I headed directly for the shower to cool down.
Later I'm going out with my sister in law and her cousin. Don't know exactly what we are going to do, I guess just sit in a café for a while. Iam planning on trying to convince them to go to the cinema. We'll see.

Anyways, now its time for the 3rd layer of nailpolish, the most important layer. The white line on the end of the nail. Good luck to me, well thanks;)

Everyone is hot in Lebanon!!!!

Ye, seriously how hot can it get??? Well at least now I got the AC started...I had to change batteries and lots of others difficulties, just hope it still works tomorrow without any fuss.

I just ate mankhoushe. That's bread with zaatar mix in it. Zaatar=thyme(correct me if im wrong Im swedish;)) And of course the usual cup of tea. So now I'm burning hot, not only because of the tea;). I'm planning on drinking about half a litre of water before I get started with the wii routine today. I hope I get to play a whole hour before someone comes home:D

Don't think it's all bad!!!

When I was living on my own I didn't care too much of food. I didn't enjoy cooking nor eating. Now... Ye, well I can't even remember the last time I cooked a meal. Besides the time when I helpt MIL with the tabbouleh(sallad the lebanese way) And oh ye tabbouleh can indeed be counted even as a main dish. I could eat tabbouleh for lunch any day;) Yummiiii

Examples from today on how lucky I am.,,,
I left the bed around 11. Goes to the bathroom, do what needs to be done, like wash my face and brush my teeth. Goes to the kitchen.... Sees my breakfast being arranged and put on a serving plate. Take it and goes sits down in the sofa in the salon and watch TV.
Lunch: goes to the kitchen, take some minizucchinis and some tomato sauce from the Tupperware and put on a plate, stuff it into the microwave and set the timer for 2 minutes.
2 minutes later: Biiiiiing! My lunch/dinner is ready

So what's the deal?
Well my dear mother in law cooked for me yesterday to bring with me to Beirut for today's lunch. It's possible being spoiled even as a grown-up. I like it;)
Who wouldn't?

Now I can truly say I understand why some arab men are so "according to traditions".. All they have to do is "just" go to work and his wife will fix everything at home. Cleaning, cooking and raising the children... Okey don't take me 100% seriously, but you get the point, don't you? But also thru this experience I understand more what it'll mean for my husband when I'll cook for him. Especially since cooking isn't my favourite thing to do.. But we all have to eat don't we?

So the conclusion is:
I have it rather good in Lebanon with my in-laws afterall

What do I want? This:

I want to put MY key in MY lock in MY frontdoor and open MY door to MY home.
I want to enter with my right foot into MY home and feel the familiar scent.
I want to enter MY kitchen with MY stove, MY refrigerator, MY furnitures, MY food.
Later I want to go inside MY livingroom and sit down in MY sofa and turn on MY TV.
I want in the evening to go to MY bathroom and use MY towels and MY soap and MY toothpaste.
After that I want to liy down on MY bed with MY sheets, MY blanket, MY pillow and MY HUSBAND.....................



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yes, whatever is mine is his and viceversa...

Lebanon!!

I love you but without my DH you're just not the same anymore... Well actually you are exactly the same but I'm not... Well inshallah we'll be reunited soon DH and I...........

Have a nice day everyone!!

It's not working to upload any pictures from here. And now I do no longer wish to do that.
Everything is going well here in Lebanon hamdella, but my husband travelled last friday because he has work to do.. Iam "alone" here in Lebanon with the family. Inshallah we'll be re-united soon in KSA.
I cut my hair today yey I like how it looks. Short and funny:)
I went out with my sister in law today. First to the hair salon later to the mall. We had a nice time together. It's the first time we spent time together only me and her. It was nice, hamdella.
Well hope you all had a nice day I did but now Iam tired:)
So goodnight and sweet dreams to all of you

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Btw Ramadan is coming soon, I'm not sure I'll manage to fast. It's so hot and I need to drink water all the time.. I'm afraid I'll faint if I don't... Well inshallah kheir, I'll try and do my best inshallah I'll be able to fast all of it.

I'm back!!! From Turkey

Sorry for not updating so frequently, but I can't sign in on a daily basis.
I do try to blog on my swedish blog more often since my family is reading it.
But I'll update you guys a little bit now aswell.
We had a wonderful wedding on the 4th of July. It was wonderful and perfect. Everyone had so much fun, we danced and we ate and everyone was happy and smiling hamdella. Today we just returned from our honeymoon which we spent in Turkey. It was amazing. We went to 2 different hotels, one in Marmara it was soooo relaxing and amazing sea panoramic view and the second hotel was in Istanbul. The hotel was very nice and luxurious but even so I preferred the one in Marmara.
Maybe I'll upload some of our pictures from Turkey, or you might see them on my swedish blog.
Hope you´re having a wonderful summer inshallah.
Bye

Did he or didn't he?

Michael Jackson

Family and BFF goodbyes

A lot of things happened today. A lot to register and put in my heart's memory.
Laughter and facial expressions and goofy ones aswell. Love you sis!

Well tomorrow my parents are coming for lunch and sister and her son are coming too. I have a couple of things to fix tomorrow before I'll leave but hopefully everything will run smoothly, inshallah.

I better go to sleep now, tomorrow will be a really long day..
Tomorrow is the day I'll be leaving Sweden for Lebanon. At least for a while

In about 26 hours I'll be with DH in Beirut Lebanon yey:) Inshallah ya rabb

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DH, have a safe trip inshallah

So here I am home again after a noon with some tea and cake and LOTS of chitchat with the best J in the world!

I´m still having the feelings of butterflies in my belly and ants all over my body!!!
I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable. I'm traveling tomorrow!!!!
Ooooh I feel sick!!!

But in the same time, I'm looking forward to it sooo much!
I just hope the butterflies and ants feeling will disappear and just leave the joyful excitment here with me;) Hopefully before tomorrow.

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THANKS AMOURA HABIBTI J FOR YET ANOTHER GREAT WONDERFUL DAY!!!

I HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON AGAIN INSHALLAH YA RABB

I'LL MISS YOU SOOO MUCH,

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN WHEN YOU SIGN IN ON MSN,

I'LL PROBABLY BE THERE;)

What to do, what to doooo?

Maybe I should go to sleep, Iam feeling totally out of control and sooo nervous it makes my stomach hurt. But if I go to sleep now, wednesday will be all gone when I wake up.
Oooooh a small panic attack going on over here but other than that Iam just peachy fine.

Today I got some hair decorations to use during the wedding, and I also bought an ancle whatever it's called. Its necklace, bracelet and ----- what are those you wear on your foot ancle called? Well anyway that's what I got for myself today. I like them, they are so summery and cute.

Well anywhoo I think I better go and wash off my make-up, pray and go thru the things I packed in the suitcase.

I can't handle sitting here for one more minute doing nothing but feeling the butterflies in my belly.

Organize

Ye that's what Iam trying to do with my feelings.
I just feel SO much these days.

Gratitude, thanks to Allah for making this happen, HAMDELLA!

Fear-I'm planned to be doing a lot of flying! yikes-not so fun anymore

Happiness-I'll be re'united with my DH again, it's been 5 months since last time

Excitment-I'm travelling to my favorite country-again, Lebanon! Here I come!

Sadness-I'm leaving so much behind

Joy-We are finally having our wedding

Anxiousness-I gained weight and about 100s of people will be attending our wedding. I haven't even met half of them once!

LOVE-so much love all around

And last but not least, again, more gratitude
Hamdella for everything

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We are really just like small ants,
not saying that they are not important, just saying they are small..
and everything that happens is all by Allah's will.

Too many butterflies

I'm so excited and nervous that I don't know what to do with myself.
I'm probably traveling after a couple of days.
Ooooh so excited I can't even explain it!

Is being without internet a blessing?

Okey so now I've read all you guys latest updates. It took a while;)

So I have been without internet connection for 2 days or so. And my God, how efficient I have been now not sitting infront of the laptop:)
I dealt with some things I should've done like a week ago. But now it's all done and I feel soooo good.
Conclusion: Time online is wasted time.
Okey, not to that extreme, but really, think about it!
What are we doing online? Does it change anything?

I can only talk for myself but ALL of my time online is spent checking my email, blogging or reading others people´s blogs, checking FB, youtube, and some other sites. But what I do online doesn't really matter. I spend all day online but it's not really counted for. If I work all day or clean all day people gna notice-that's for sure. Or if I cook, or bake! But okey, being online matters to ME. I have more relations online than in real life. Sad, or maybe pathetic? Well whatever, that's the truth. And I kind of like it:)

Ok not "kind of like it" to tell you the truth I love it!!!

From another sisters blog!

I found this one and just thought it was so beautiful so I want to share it with you all.


"If you ask me, why do I stand here,
So unafraid of everything around me.
Proudly I would say, I am a Muslim.
If you ask her, why does she dress that way,
All covered up in a world that gives it all away.
Proudly she would say, I am a Muslim.


If you ask me, surely this cannot be,
You give your wealth so free, and you say your life is charity.
It ain't hard to see, I am a Muslim.
If you ask him, why does it hurt so,
When he sees injustice, even though it's folks he doesn't know,
With tears in his eyes he says, I am a Muslim.

If you ask her, why doesn't she cry,
There's no one by her side, she's the only one that's left behind.
Patiently she sighs, I am a Muslim.
If you ask him, why does he still pray,
Five times a day when so many others have strayed.
Smiling he would say, I am a Muslim.

If you ask me, why do I love you
No matter where you are, we are the greatest Ummah
With the beating of our hearts, we are Muslims."




From Jess's blog

I'm back!!

Okey so after about 48 hours the internet connection is finally working again.
So did I do something useful during that time?
Well, ye of course I did:)

I´ve cleaned and cleaned and cleaned LOL
And I am almost done packing for my trip, inshallah. I'm supposed to travel on friday inshallah.

I am going to blog more later, but I am just too curious to read the updated blogs Iam following so I have to do that first of all!

Internet *updated*

Well after the storm yesterday my internet connection isn't working.

And it's weekend so I have no idea when it will work again.

I wish you all a nice weekend!
Ciao:D



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its sunday today and the internet connection is working again, yey:D
I'm just checking your blogs, later I'll blog myself:) Hopefully before I fall asleep

Another blogpost....

...on someone else´s blog, reminded me of this as I'm going to write now.
My DH sent it to my mail some time ago.

"There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend:
"If I could only see the world, I will marry you"
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her: "Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?"

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind too, the sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. The thought of looking at them for the rest of her life, led her to refuse to marry him. Her boyfriend left in tears. Days later he wrote her a note saying: "Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine"...

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This is how the human brain often works, when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life is a gift from Allah.

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to ALLAH for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: You're alive and thank's ALLAH

HAMDELLA

Release your problems and ease your mind

Sometimes when you´re troubled and you keep everything bottled up deep inside you, you just feel so lonely.
It´s so difficult to be alone in this world. We have to open up and share our thoughts and news with our beloved who cares about us. Because we are truly not alone.

(And not to forget, Allah is always with us. To pray and ask Allah for guidance is very helpful and encouraged)

But sometimes you need to involve your loved ones. It really does give great relief and they may be able to help you. Hamdella I feel much better now. Eventhough everything is the same, but not quite the same afterall. The problems are still there, but Iam not alone, I opened up and shared. Hamdella, I didn´t have to wait another day..

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Just when you think you can´t love harder and deeper than you already do, you open up and the love is much greater than a moment ago.

Quote..

"If you have strong feelings, is it better to express them,

eagerly and passionately, to the whole world?

Is it wise?

And if you always show the world a calm face and a quiet voice,

does this mean there is no passion,

no fire in your heart?"

(Sense and sensibility-Jane Austen)

Communication skills-the lack of it

For as long as I can remember I have been communicating thru notes, letters and diaries.
And later on emails aswell and the latest thru my blog.
I have some difficulties with expressing myself in speech. But Iam not sure which came first. The insecurity or the writing notes..

Speaking english everyday for the last 10 years or so, doesn´t exactly help my communication skills. English isn´t my language and Iam not living among so many english speaking people. Iam living in Sweden, everyone here speaks Swedish. Okey not some of the immigrants. But that´s not the point...
I´d like to be a strong confident speaker one day. Not to stumble on my words or blush if someone asks me something.
Well it has taken me YEARS to get over some of my insecurities and I still have more to work on.

I remember years ago I would get all nervous and anxious when planning on meeting new people. I would feel so anxious that my stomach would really hurt A LOT! I avoided it at first, simply by not going to any events. And just staying home. I didn´t feel safe where we were going. I didn´t know anyone, I didn´t know in which language I could speak with them. If any at all.

I would sit hours and hesitate and try to prepare myself to make a simple phonecall to a new friend or even something so easy as to the dentist to make an appointment.

Well today, I don´t let myself think to much about doing it. I just take a deep breath and dial the number and hope for the best ;) I do still get nervous of course, and stumble on my words, but hey who cares really? When I blush and I don´t find the words to say people smile and think it´s funny. I prefer that rather than hiding away from the world and be in the silence.

Nowadays after finishing a phonecall or a meeting that I was feeling a bit anxious about, I feel such joy and relief. And pride. Proud over myself for doing something that was soo hard for me, even if it might be normal to the rest of the world.

Yey

I got more followers:D
My lovely blogging sisters has subscribed to my blog:D
It´s very nice to see:) I do believe Iam following all of your blogs already.
But if I´m not, please let me know so I can read your blog too:)


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In the last couple of days, things has happened, decision has been made hamdella.
I´ll tell you more about it later inshallah.

Climbing back

I´ve had a couple of days of heavy heart. Really struggling with seeing the good things in life.
I know they are many)
But when I´m low I just stay really low for a day or two and then get back on track.
So now I just came out of the shower and really feeling fit for fight.
Not actually fighting with my fists;)

I´ve been thinking of what I wish for myself. I want more out of life.
What Iam doing now can hardly even been spoked about as living.
Well Iam preparing and waiting to move to my beloved.


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I want to have a home
To spend sweet time with my beloved
To build our life, piece by piece, side by side
I want to struggle and work hard
And fall asleep in my beloved´s arms
I want short "get-aways", breaks from everyday life, and just lose control and have fun
Conclusion: I want to live LIFE

That´s not too much to ask for is it?

Just because

Emailing the saudi embassy....

Delivery has failed to these recipients or distribution lists:

The recipient's mailbox is full and can't accept messages now. Microsoft Exchange will not try to redeliver this message for you. Please try resending this message later, or contact the recipient directly.

Some old blogposts from my soon to be erased blog

Sunday, 17 May 2009
Dear sisters and brothers
To all my fellow muslims.

I have ever since i reverted called other muslims my sibblings. I feel as if this is more common among reverts. Maybe Iam wrong but that´s how I feel, maybe it is just because I have had more contact with reverts..

Well anyway I think it´s important for us muslims to call eachother sisters and brother. And the reason for that is to feel united. Even if there are sooo many groups in islam, which is unfortunate.

We should all be more humble towards eachother. It is of great importance especially for reverts to feel welcomed when they finally find their way back to Islam.

It is our duty and honour as muslims to welcome and encourage reverts.

All the talk about shia/sunni/wahabi and the rest of the groups-forget all about that!! Why think about our differences when we can think about what we all have in common? Think about it, what is really the most important? To be a muslim and everything that means, or is what´s most important really about who is right and who´s not?? No one will ever say they are wrong.

If you follow a perticular group in islam it´s most likely because you feel it´s right. Right for you. There is no use discussing back and forth. When it´s discussed and mixed up in politics when it comes to how to rule a country that´s one thing. But when it comes to discussing it online??? There´s no use people. It often, if not always, ends with "us" yelling at eachother and misbehaving. Now Iam not talking about discussions handled in a good way, where we learn from eachother and show interests. I support those ways of spreading knowledge.

But Iam just saying that the discussions we know from the beginning won´t lead to anything good why even go there??

We are all muslims. So think of other muslims as your beloved sibblings and treat them with respect, humbleness and love.

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Friday, 29 May 2009
Fear
Right now Iam suffering from the flue. I got fever and Iam so exhausted, my body can hardly even manage to type this blogpost;)


Iam so anxious. The weeks are passing so fast. Soon I´ll be abroad. First doing the final preparations for our wedding, then go thru it, all without my family:S and later go for the honeymoon. And what´s even more scary is that after our honeymoon Iam going to a country where I´ve never been too. And stay there. Start our new life together, and live there for as long as Allah has planned. It´s normal I guess to feel anxious about it.

How will I manage celebrating the best day of my life so far without my family?
How will I manage to live everyday for many days, months maybe even years without seeing my family?
How can a person deal with being almost all alone in a whole new country?

I love my husband of course, and am looking forward to our life soooooo much. But I´m still scared.

Anyone who moved abroad alone or with f.e husband? How did you manage to create a new life for yourself? New friends? New activities? Job? Education?

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Saturday, 30 May 2009
Forgiveness
One of the worst thing I know is when I´ve hurt someone. I never do it intentionally, it´s not a part of my personality. But sometimes it happens anyway. And it is so hard for me sometimes to just say: I´m sorry. But it just hangs there in the air as a big black cloud and I can´t move on without having it said. When I finally gather up all my curage and say I´m sorry, it feels so good. But then when the other person says: "it´s okey", I don´t know what to do. Because it feels as if my apology isn´t enougth even if the person I hurted says it is.

Those of you who has been hurt by people who loves you and you haven´t yet forgiven them, do you understand that it hurts them more than yourself because they have hurt you? Forgiveness is one of the most valuable things we can give and receive.

Forgive me

I´m sorry for not updating this blog, even though I have 4 followers, yey:D
But the case is that I have been blogging somewhere else in English.
But that was also blogspot.com
So I had to sign out and in all the time.
I can´t deal with all of that
So I started a new blog on wordpress.com
But that site just seem to not work as it should be
So I´ll probably just stay here.
No need to add more stress to life right?:D

If you know Swedish, check my swedish blog:)

Why oh why oh why?!??!

Why do you buy a wedding gown in Sweden if you´re going to have your wedding on the other side of earth?

Well, to minimize the stress. Or?
Well, that was the plan.
But now I wonder how Iam supposed to "transport" my dress?
I have to carry it all the way.
While boarding the plane, during the flight and going off the plane...
But where do I put it once Iam ON the plane?
I can´t keep it in my lap, nevertheless put it in the space above where you usually stuff your hand luggage.
Maybe it´s possible to hang it somewhere?
Hm....
I suppose I should prepare myself for the most wrinkly wedding gown ever.
And as if that wasn´t enough, I also have to carry a handbag and my laptop.
Is that even allowed? Usually one handbag and the hand luggage is allowed...I better keep my laptop bag as my handbag;)

Well it´s not all bad anyway:) I can hardly wait till I´m there
And I´ll walk round that curve and see all the people there waiting for their loved ones.
And the tallest one is going to be my husband.
Not that Iam going to choose my husband as per who is the tallest.
But usually my husband is the tallest one there.
Tall, dark and handsome:P